MOMoirs

August 14, 2012

I am 25.

 

I am twenty-five and I am feeling splendid and peaceful today. Imagining thirty however brings a great deal of anxiety but I will postpone the worries for later.  What I have always delighted in doing is to look back at the carefree years of my childhood with a sigh for what was.  I always daydream of time traveling back to when I was seven or fourteen or twenty and see the world through the eyes of the girl I was at those ages. 

I lived in the past years through and through having both the best and the worst. The past five years were entirely devoted at finding out who I wanted to be, discovering who would be the love of my life, accepting that I need to be a self-sufficient adult, and more recently, learning  to become a wife and a mother. And they seem to happen all in a flash with a requirement to cope fast. 

Perhaps part of this adulthood, I recently found myself disconnected with the responsibility of juggling a career, a marriage and being a parent. I buried myself predominantly in my family at the casualty of a few other great loves in the process, mostly my friends. Finding a better way to balance the two is what I aim for this year. 

This year has also found me in a job I have always wanted but this is utterly hard. Here I am, the very first day of my twenty-fifth birthday, working far from my family and I want to go home like hell but I know I won’t. Because the reality right now is that, I have to be here. I love the work I do but there are days that I cannot bear working late into the night while I miss important family moments. Nonetheless, my job is something I hold in my heart so dearly. So when I beat myself too much about being absent at home, I remind myself that this job is just as important as my role as a wife and a mother. Not often easy and fair but I have to do it the best way I can. 

I hope I can stop time and just be twenty-five for the rest of my life but I have the sweetest anticipation of the years to come. To see my dear Pio growing up, possibly playing with a baby brother or sister or both. To see my husband every waking moment and have the same strong affection over and over. To see myself as a woman trying her best as a wife, mother, daughter and sister at the same time managing to do well in her career. To see myself at thirty and be completely happy about it.