MOMoirs

July 13, 2012

Being brave in love.

Dear Pio,

The other day you stumbled and fell to your knees while running, I didn't look at you. I turned my back instead, closed my eyes, waited for a long screaming cryfest while thinking of stupid-looking face tricks I hoped will be able to divert whatever pain you were feeling. For seconds I did not hear your voice. Then, from the corner of my eye, I saw you stood up and went on to follow me.

You did brave very well. I think, I did brave well too. Exactly how you stood up from the fall and continued to walk. Exactly how I turned my back against you, resisting the urge to rescue you right away.

From the day you were born, we made sure to provide you with all the love we could possibly give, so that you will grow with the richness of it, so that you will live each day willing and able to give love away.  But the most shocking part of love is the vulnerability it brings. I have always known but I might have unconsciously excluded you from this reality. Thinking of this has made me ponder about things I can not teach you my son.

The fact that love will expose you to a huge risk of failure and will get you wounded in the process is just crippling to imagine. As much as I would want to shield you from all forms of pain that exist, I am afraid this is not so possible. This realization coupled with fear is something I hope to make you understand someday. I only get consolation in knowing that the same love will push you to learn to be brave so that you will learn to embrace the wonders that your defenseless heart can create.

We are in a battle right now with impact is so great we can't be pain-proofed. But we will be brave my little boy, we will be brave in love.

Love,
Mom